Secondhand Nation

Mexican Folk Art

Whew, sorry it took a while to get this up.  I slacked last night so I could watch The Office season premiere and slurp up John Krasinski for an entire hour!  Woo!  I'm all tingly today as a result.

Anyhoodle.  Back to all things thrifty and non-sexy.

My current lack of funds has made it hard to go thrifting lately, but this week I cracked and insisted on it checking out Unique and Value Village.

I collect Mexican folk art, but not with a practiced, professional eye or anything.  I love Oaxacan tinwork and tin milagros of any sort make me weep with joy.  (Not literally.)  And I like Talavera pottery, but don't own any (at least I don't think I do.)  My sister is a donations processor at a thrift store, so she procures lotsa gems for me, loading me up nice at birthdays and holidays. 

Lookit!  Lookit!

My lovely red bird was a gift from her, and I scored the floral planter from a yard sale.

Check out my bitchin' Toucan.  It's like Delft Blauwe, en estilo mexicano:

I found this box of tiles at a garage sale.  I'm going to put them up in my kitchen along the chair rail.

 

Can't have Mexican tilework without the nice siesta-taking guy!  Puke.  I hate that shit and, of course, there are four of that particular tile. *Fog Horn*

I also like these various potteries.  I collect them in a little kitchen shrine where I keep dried herbs n shit.

Okay.  Now that that's done, you can tell me all the shit you collect!  Or all sorts of important facts about Mexican folk art, if you're all fancy and know a lot.  Or you can just go outside and enjoy the fine autumn weather.  That's what I'll be doing.  My kid peed on the floor two days ago and I gotta air out the towels I used for clean-up. 

The More You Know.

Make Your Own! Laundry Soap

I used to buy Mrs. Meyers Clean Day liquid laundry detergent.  I thought it was superior because of the delicious essential oil scents.  Then I realized:  this shit is 11 bucks a bottle! Boo Hiss!

And it's a plastic bottle!  Double Boo Hiss!

So I went to my best homechickens over at Recipezaar, thinking that someone would have a good home-made recipe for laundry soap.  Sho' nuff. 

The ingredients are things you can find a decent grocery store and perhaps Target or K-Mart.  (Please don't go to Wal-Mart.  It's bad for your complexion.) 

I did a bit of experimenting and augmented this recipe.  I used a mixture of Fels-Naptha and Kirk's Castile for the shredded soap flakes, which is a gorgeous bright yellow and white blend.

You can also add essential oils of your choice, but this is sorta wasteful, as the fragrance doesn't last through the washing cycle, which is the edge that expensivo brands like Mrs. Meyers and Caldrea offer.  They've got chemists doing a whole lotta fancy footwork to preserve those lovely scents, so they can  hype up how pleasant housework ("homekeeping") can be if everything smells like lemon verbena. 

For my money, I'd just rub the damn oils on my pulse points and then go do housework.  This way, I can experience transportingly sensual olfactory effects whether I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing the toilet or splayed out on the sofa reading back issues of Life & Style Weekly.

I used a grater I bought at a church rummage sale for a quarter, but you can surely save time with a food processor.  Break the soap up into a little chunks so you don't destroy the machine's blades.

    

For larger or really dirty loads, you'll need more than a tablespoon of this detergent;  I've found a quarter cup works nicely in these cases. 

More on MYO laundry soap:

The Simple Dollar

Groovy Green

Modern Cottage

The Frugal Shopper

Consumer Disobedience

MAKE zine

The Family Homestead

Instructables Homemade Laundry Detergent

Secondhand Pets

Getting pets from a gross pet store or some snuff-chewin hillbilly trying to make a quick buck is a crappy idea, especially when there are so many good animals that need homes already. 

While nobody want a biting, peeing, furniture-chewing, four-legged problem, you'll go to heaven extra fast if you get your pet through an animal sanctuary organization, which rescues strays and finds foster care for pets that have been lost or mistreated. 

Why break the bank buying some fancy-schmancy purebred that's gonna need a hip replacement before its second birthday?  Chocolate labs?  Way over-rated, plus all the ones I know are fatso counter-surfers. 

Go to places like Pet Finder that let you search for animals near you that need new homes. 

If all that doesn't convince you, meet Gonzo. 

I rest my case. 

Another "Eco-Find." Sigh.

Dammit, SheFinds, why do you torment me so?  Could it be that you pop up so readily on my BlogLines feeder, eagerly serving up throw-away posts like every other corporate blog channel trying to get us to wring out our wallets online?

Their latest Eco-Find, some travel candles that are made with soy wax and essential oils, have me mystified again.

Great.  Soy wax = great.    And essential oils?  Basically bulletproof - what kinda commie pinko's gonna argue with pure, uncompromised plant and flower essences?

And though the lovely people at Er'Go Candles "operate in a loving and peaceful environment" in the hopes that they will "transfer this love and peace through our products" thus "helping to raise the vibration upon this earth" - seriously, I'm not making this up - it's just another example of buying more shit you don't need.

So you travel?  And you like candles and essential oils?  Just put your fave oil and a votive in your suitcase.  When you get to your hotel, stick the votive in the ashtray, anoint yourself with the goddamned oil, and wallah.  It's not like a tinned candle looks any better than this, anyway. 

Same feelings, same effects, no bullshit packaging or additional purchasing.   Explain to me again why I'm not in charge of everything?

Oh, that getting off my ass thing?  Yeah, that.  No, you're right.  I remember now.    

Refab Vocab

Perma-peddler:  individual who continually keeps merchandise and signage at the ready for a constant, on-going sale; generally involves highly collectible items at high prices, offered by a creepy and/or pushy salesperson.  As in:  "I went to a gross yard sale today.  Dude looked like Gallagher's fatter, uglier brother and was selling all these 'mint condition' records, whatta perma-peddler."

Make Your Own: Hydrating Mist for Your Hair

Figure 1:  Not at all what I remotely look like, especially after the past three days of rain. 

If you're still using a wall-mounted telephone with a cord and have a computer as big as a washing machine, you might not be familiar with top-blog She Finds, which is a breathless, shopping-crazed consumer-driven blog that helps females (and fashion-minded males) by high-lighting must-have products and trends on the web. 

Finally! you might be thinking, as you step into your stone underwear.  I can't be expected to do all that shit myself!

But if you're like me and strive to reduce all the packaging waste you can, you'll see that their latest "Eco-Find" is just more bullshit - should you have the non-oily genetics or live somewhere that requires you to hydrate your hair, it's possible to MAKE YOUR OWN hair-hydrating spray that will cost much less than $16.

To wit: 

Step One:  Boil up a gallon of water.  Or buy a gallon of distilled water.  Or use the water you filter into a pitcher.  Whatever.

Step Two:  Add like 10 drops of lavender essential oil to the water. 

Step Three:  Put mixture into a clean spray bottle.    The End.

Jesus.  Life doesn't have to be this hard.  Further, I don't know why anyone would want to hydrate their hair.  I personally own a mane that foofs up to the size of a hot air balloon with the slightest change in the dewpoint.  If I hydrated it, I'd look like fucken Yahoo Serious and wouldn't be able to get through my front door. 

Image via Wikipedia.

It's Your Dick in a (Recycled) Box!

Figure 1:  A cardboard box.  Helpful when you have to move, but can't fit all your stuff in your pants pockets.  

Doubtless most of our transient student population has already settled in to their new digs, but in case you're finding yourself on the business end of an eviction order and don't want to skulk around grocery store dumpsters or liquor stores looking for boxes to store your hotpot and Pink Floyd posters in, Lifehacker's got it all dialed in for you already.

It's a bitch to break down cardboard and many communities won't recycle it.  Why not use boxes with a circular destiny involving many stressed-out, disorganized people who are moving to new places and rueing how much crap they've accumulated?

Check the direct links to U-Haul's recycled boxes program and Used Cardboard Boxes for more information on greening your next move.

P.S. Pink Floyd sucks!

Image via Wikipedia.    

News re(Cycle): Is No One Listening to Michael Pollan?

Figure 1:  Lettuce:  helping health-conscious eaters put the "die" back in "diet"

The Accidental Hedonist reported yesterday about the sequel to last year's contaminated spinach disaster, the latest food product recall: E.COLI IN YOUR SALAD, PART EWWW.

This time, the culprit is a particularly egregiously-named Dole product line called Hearts Delight, a prewashed bagged salad that promises vitamin-rich greens along with each deadly mouthful of E. Coli O157::H7.  Bloody diarrhea, stomach cramps and possible hospitalization and death are the fringe benefits of these convenient, available-all-year-round meals. 

What a cock-up.  Hello, dumbasses at Big Ag!  You are sickening and killing your customers, and not just with your smarmy ad campaigns.  I might not be an expert in this, but it seems to me that dead people don't buy much bagged salad.  As Sara my daycare provider likes to say, in a sanitized version in front of the little kids: Get Your Poop in a Group! (Preferably far, far away from the lettuce.)

And you, the buying public?  What's the matter with you?  Too busy going through the drive-thru to educate yourselves on the disgusting dangers in non-seasonal and non-local foods?  Am I the only one listening to Michael Pollan?  (Well, except for you all at The Ethicurean, of course.  I didn't mean you guys!)

I know that bitching about food isn't directly related to thrift culture.  All the hardcore thrifters and yard salers out there are probably bored every time I get rants in my pants about gardening or farmers markets. 

But I like food, dammit.  And I don't cotton to the idea of pestilential cooties in my salad greens, especially when I'm trying to make healthier choices.  Nor can I abide by a bunch of short-sighted, irresponsible Big Ag executives terminally infected with dollar-fever, who like to spend more time and money on wasteful packaging than quality control measures and sound ecological practices. 

I'm determined to believe another world is possible and that the money I save by not participating in the primary economy can be spent on food that's delicious, nutritious and won't kill me.  Is this too much to ask? 

Image via Wikipedia.

The Thrift Shopper: A Web Forum for Thrifters

   

If you haven't visited The Thrift Shopper yet, go there now!  I'll wait.

Dee dee dee... Humina, humina, humina...La la la...

What?  Firewall won't let you see it?  Just too lazy?  Fine, I'll give you the Cliffs notes version of the site and then you can go visit it with highly enriched expectations!

The Thrift Shopper is a website jam-packed with content and fun for the thrift enthusiast. 

Run by Michael and Cookie, a thrift-savvy husband-and-wife team, the site features:

• a monthly webzine
• a nationwide nonprofit thrift store directory, where you can rate your local stores and see what's worth checking out for your next road trip
• a thrift news section, where you can read headlines about the latest developments in thrift culture
• an interactive online forum for shoppers to mix and mingle (and also create blogs of their latest thrift adventures)
• an interactive online forum for thrift industry professionals, who can track trends in their business and get feedback from others in the same line of work. 

Whoa.  Besides maintaining all that web content and working with advertisers and other thrift partners, this fabulous thrifting duo also are regular contributors to their online forums  - Michael is Good Buddy and Cookie is Cookie -  plus they both have day jobs, too!  (Cookie is a court reporter and Michael repairs car stereo systems.) 

I highly recommend the Thrift Shoppers forum.  You can chat it up with like-minded collectors and thrift-lovers, as well as post pictures of your latest finds.  And it's an exceedingly friendly forum, too - don't worry about running into crabby know-it-alls or elitist meanies - everyone is welcome at the site and I can't stop gabbing about how great it is. 

Which is why I caught up with them recently and to ask about the The Thrift Shopper site, their thrift-world musings and forecasts, and even their definition of the perfect day of thrifting. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

I'd love to hear about how each of you started your thrifting habit.

Michael:  An ex-girlfriend got me into it, and since then I've just really gone nuts with it.

Cookie: I remember my mom taking me to a thrift store when I was about 7 years old and I really loved it, but I didn't get serious about thrifting until I lived in L.A. in my early 20's.

How long has website been operational?

Michael:  TheThriftShopper.Com went online in January of 2006, but the national directory of thrift stores and the magazine weren't available until that August.  So we've officially been up for a year.

Tell me a little about the visitors to the site – where are they, what motivates them, what kinds of things do they collect, what kind of community has evolved from the site?

Michael:  Our visitors are from all over the U.S.  We even have users in Holland, Australia, Canada and Great Britain.  Our thrifters collect everything you could possibly find in a thrift store - from record albums, ashtrays, barware and dishes, to more obscure things like Chipmunks records and dog rabies tags.

Cookie:  I think a lot of our visitors love the thrill of the hunt, the idea that something really great is out there waiting for them. The thrifters on our site are always friendly and welcoming to newcomers.  They’ll pop in and say hi before we even get a chance to sometimes and immediately start a chat with them.

I'd imagine it's harder to run a business that has the word "thrift" in the center of it.   What kinds of partnerships, advertisers, and revenue are you looking to capture?   How is a thrift-centric business different from other businesses?

Michael:  We’re only planning on seeking advertising revenues from companies that our visitors will be interested in, like individual thrift stores, vintage or retro businesses, or companies that recycle unwanted goods.  We don’t want anyone to buy advertising from us if it won’t benefit them, and our slogan is “National Thrift Store Directory Advertising at Thrift Store Prices.” 

Running a thrift-centric business is not that different from running any other kind of business at this level.  Until computers replace cash registers on the front counter of every thrift store, I think there will always be people who are afraid of the Internet.  So in that way it’s more difficult to get thrift store managers to see the benefit of what we’re doing.

You have an industry section on the site  – how's the response been from people who run thrifts?

Michael:  The response has been slow, but we’re always trying to generate more interest in it.  We feel that it will be more popular in the future as our site gains more interest from the thrift industry community.  Our future plans include publishing an online book about how to start and run a successful thrift shop.

What's the impact of eBay, in your opinion, on the resale market?

Michael:  It’s been drastic.  Unless you’re the first of five people at the thrift store to see an item that’s worth putting on eBay, it will be gone before you know it.  Twenty years ago you only had to compete with people that owned their own vintage store in your town, but now one out of every five people in a thrift store would sell something on eBay.

Cookie:  I agree with Michael that things are really picked over now, but I also think that the gems are still out there.  It just depends on how much knowledge you have and how good you are at identifying the gold.  You have to thrift smarter, faster and better now.  It’s a pain.

Do you ever worry that by raising awareness of the joys of thrifting, you might be decreasing the available pool of good stuff out there for you?

Michael:  eBay has done that more than we will ever do.  I’m not ripping on eBay at all.  I’m just speaking the truth.  We’ve sold thrifted things on eBay in the past.

Cookie:  More good stuff will always come in, though.  It just will.

What's the future of thrift culture?  Will it go mainstream or is it by definition a fringe movement?

Michael:  I think by definition it will always be a fringe movement. There are legitimate charity organizations now that are trying to steer away from the word “thrift” and won’t advertise their stores as “thrift stores” in their local phone books.  They prefer to call themselves re-stores, second-hand stores, and resale outlets when thrift shoppers are looking for “thrift shops.”

Cookie:  I think it’s gotten more mainstream in the last ten years, for sure.  It seems like it’s really become a cool and hip thing for teenagers to do, especially if they redesign the clothes they thrift.  I think it probably won’t be fringe in ten more years.

Can you tell me your idea of a perfect thrift outing?

Michael:  Waking up at a 7:00 AM on a Saturday and going to a really great breakfast, relaxing over a cup of coffee, and then hitting all the thrift stores until 3:00 PM, after going to lunch and not being able to even stand looking at one more thrift item!  We'd have a carload of stuff that we didn’t even know we wanted before we left that morning.  But that’s why we do it.

Cookie:  I’d rather wake up at 10:00 AM.  And then ditto.  Plus, I’d like to find some things I DID know I wanted.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Get connected with more a-thriftianados at The Thrift Shopper.com and say hello to me over in the forums!

Dislikes

Wal-Mart and Cost-Co

flavored coffee beans

going to weddings

coupons

Avon

white bread

brown drip pottery

men that are anti-abortion

microwave cookbooks

VHS tapes

3-ring binders

heavy draperies that features tiebacks and curtain rod "scarves"

overhead lighting

PartyLite candles

angels

tiny dogs that people carry around like purses

air fresheners

fake flowers and fake Spanish moss (AKA "granny pussy")

lemonade stands at yard sales when there are too many bees out

grody 80's blazers for sale at garage sales in 95 degree weather

people who constantly have a garage sale going on in their garage (my grandmother was one of these people and she counted empty egg cartons and the containers from L'eggs pantyhose among her merchandise buffet)

Beanie Babies

wallpaper borders

black enamel tables with gold edging

glass-topped tables

overstuffed couches, with special emphasis on saggy elephant leather-look couches

Ladies' Home Journal

crystal

stained tupperware

Once Upon a Christmas

You might not see it.  But it's there.

Lurking behind the Halloween decorations at your local Target...

Creeping up like a cheap pair of underpants...

Tis the season of giving, offering up obligations, dull church services and financial ruin...

The original season of giving, Christmas.

Season of giving, my ass.  When I think of the Christmas season, what springs to mind isn't dutiful servants of Christ handing out soup and blankets to frozen homeless people. 

No, the image I get is of discount-crazed shoppers trampling each other in the parking lot of Wal-Mart in slavering pursuit of low-priced DVD players.

So call me crazy if the humble Christ's birth in a barn doesn't inspire me to max out my credit cards or engage in hand-to-hand combat over a fucking Tickle-Me-Elmo. 

Still, though the vulgar transformation of this holy day into another notch on the retail calendar's belt makes me want to barf all over my socks, I can't totally give up on the holiday. 

The truth is, though I like to save money and reuse things, when it comes to others, I'm not known for being a skinflint.  I like to give gifts.  I like to decorate a tree.  I like to have snuggly snowy evenings with my family, where we all hunker down and watch movies from the 80's like or Girls Just Want To Have Fun or Uncle Buck.

So earlier this week, when I went to my local Once Upon A Child resale outfit to look for a car booster seat for my daughter, my Christmas season officially kicked off. 

(Long Rambling Aside:  If you aren't familiar with Once Upon A Child, it's a consignment shop that sells gently used baby and kid's items, including clothing, shoes and equipment like strollers, cribs and changing tables.  If you're looking for baby junk, stores like these are fabulous to visit because you can get good items for less - which is key, when the kid grows out things so quickly.  Right now, it's a really good place to go for toys, as most folks are thinking of new school clothes and giving the toys short shrift.  Though OUAC no longer accepts car seats - too many recalls, which causes too much hassle - so I didn't find a booster seat.  More baby thrifting tips can be found here.)

However, I scored a cheap Polly Pockets (Ye Toys of Tiny Microscopity Weeniness) magnet mat and two sets of jammies for 10 bucks - you gotta get new jammies for Christmas if you're a kid - so I'm feeling a little less quesy about the burst of consumption to come. 

I realize that for many Christmas is regarded as sacrosanct.  For others, it has become grotesque, anathema to the original meanings.  I fall somewhat in the middle.   While I don't bother with the trappings of theology anymore, I do remember fondly the gleeful anticipation of being a kid on a winter morning who was about to become hugely surprised.  And for that reason, I am maintaining Christmas traditions - to preserve this one magical aspect about the entire affair. 

Christmas resistance graphic by Nina Paley;  more fun for grinches and scrooges can be had at http://www.xmasresistance.org/

News (re)Cycle: Holly Keller & Beeper Bebe

Figure 1:  The entire Sparrow family, replete with button eyes and calico smock fronts. 

In case you're not into softies - handmade stuffed animals - you might not know that resident rising star and green artist Holly Keller's handmade Mama Sparrow and Her Chicks design was featured on Softies Central, a blog dedicated showcasing the best of the best in the handmade toy world.

Figure 2:  The Sparrow Chicks, wearing their bibs and relaxing on their quilt. 

The Mama Sparrow and her family are made from a secondhand tweed suitcoat and some calico fabric that Keller found at a thrift shop.  Like any sensible mother, Mama Sparrow comes with a lavender cap to keep her warm on those brisk fall days, and a matching purse, where she stores tissues and snacks for her brood. The family also comes with its own nest and each sparrow has its own accessories (because, really, what sparrow doesn't?) 

Figure 3: Kickin' it in the sweater-scrap nest. 

Check out my interview with the lovely Madame Keller here and see more of her recycled beautiful goodness at her Etsy shop.

Figure 4:  This is Beatrice the Kitten, another Beeper Bebe creation, which you'd probably recognize, except she's wearing her mask. 

Change Your Evil Ways Part VI: Biodegradable Poop Bags

Dear Crazy Neighbor Lady:

Hi. 

I'm your next-door neighbor. 

You know, the one who moved into the house with the yard that your eerily-silent, non-restrained, bug-eyed, UGLY Basenji dog comes over to shit his brains out in every day?

Yellow house with brown trim?  Yes, that's me.  Poop-and-pee-colored house, I used to joke.  All humor does have a kernel of truth, turns out.

See, I don't have a dog.  Instead, I have a four-year-old.  Wiping her butt is as close to Shit-Not-My-Own as I feel comfortable approaching right now.

Unfortunately, you have some idea that I'd like to get closer to Shit-Not-My-Own and so you insist on letting your eerily-silent, non-restrained, bug-eyed, UGLY Basenji dog come over and crap his fool ass off in the lush bounty which is my backyard.

Figure 1:  Example of the fecal scourge of my yard, courtesy Wikimedia.

If I had a dog - and I assure you, if I did, it would not be anything like your eerily-silent, non-restrained, bug-eyed, UGLY Basenji - then perhaps I'd feel okay about having to deal with its turds in a socially acceptable manner, i.e. pick them up with a plastic bag and dump them in the garbage.   

But since I don't have a dog, I'm running into some cognitive dissonance here.  Namely, why should I have to pick up the shit of your eerily silent, non-restrained, bug-eyed UGLY Basenji?  The likes of which often features bits of bright plastic and string amidst the foulness?   

Lady, to be frank, you are a lunatic.  Your make-up application is reminiscent of an blind trainyard whore one might find underneath a passed-out hobo.  You come out of your house at all hours of the day wearing strange garb, hollering and dragging around bits of refuse from your garage and calling for your various animals to come back (after they've ostensibly shat in my yard).  You wear strange bandanas over your wrists after your carpal tunnel surgery. You have a rotating crew of ne'er-do-well children who apparently see fit to stick you with wretched animals like the eerily-silent, non-restrained, bug-eyed UGLY Basenji, after they play too much World of Warcraft (when not at their jobs as pizza delivery men) and their girlfriends dump them.

And speaking of dumping.  Holy Coincidence, Batman!  My lawn has become a dumping ground, too!  The symmetry of motif is astounding!

Back to the point.  This is my long-winded, round-about way of recommending, though you are clearly addled, that you pick up after your creepy, aestethically-deficient dog. 

 

Since this is highly unlikely, I'll toss out some more ridiculous requests:  please consider using these biodegradable earth-friendly poop bags instead of regular plastic sacks.  I am considering buying some, as I frequently find myself indecorously stooping on behalf of your eerily-silent, non-restrained, bug-eyed UGLY Basenji. 

Though as neighbors we must tolerate each other, there's no reason the planet should also suffer perpetual plastic-wrapped insults from your grody dog. 

TTFN -

Your Secondhand Nation Neighbor

Archer Farms Is Not a Farm

Photo Credit:  Dorothea Lange.  Aged cotton farmer, Greene County, Georgia. He inherited his lands which are now heavily mortgaged.  Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA/OWI Collection, LC-USF34-9058-C.

Like many urban do-gooders, I've visited the Mill City Farmer's Market.    Founded by local food and vegetarian chef Brenda Langton, owner of Minneapolis vegetarian legend Cafe Brenda, the market is nestled along the Mississippi River between the new recently relocated Guthrie Theater and Spoonriver, Langton's newest dining venture. 

Mill City is so named because of its proximity to the industrial flour mills (the Mill City Museum, which is just a stone's throw from the market.)  It's a hip, happening place:  lots of Teva-wearing moms with babies in slings, lots of bike-riders and joggers and man-sandals, open air music and buskers.  Get locally-made pastries, produce, salad dressings and locally-made cheeses and breads. 

Delicious, fun, good vibes - what could be the problem?

Oh, nothing.  Just Target, stinking it up with their sponsorship.

It's nice that Target wants to associate itself with causes that make sense for the planet.  Fine.  Good.

But do they really have to hand out samples of their Phony Farm's gross food?   

Can't they just sit back on their porky corporate haunches and let the little people have their miniscule piece of the pie? 

Or is it that they fear backlash from people like me, who take every occasion they receive a survey generated on a receipt to give them the look-out-below on why industrial organic is counterproductive bullshit?

I certainly hope so.  Though the Mill City Farmer's Market is a bit out of my way (and requires too much parking hassle to make it my weekly stop), I think I'll pop in again just to take in the insipid Archer Farms booth and see if I can talk to the "Farmer" himself.   

Never On Sunday: The Need for Sunday Sales

When I consider his Holiness the Pope most of the time, my fingers itch to rip off his pointy hat and smack him with it.

This comes from being a victim of Catholic Marriage Encounter Weekend and also from being a pro-choice woman who thinks both married gay people (and the Pope) have the right to suck it.

Anyway, now Mr. I-Wear-A-Pretty-Red-and-Golden-Man-Dress is pissing and moaning about our lack of respect for Sundays. 

Figure 1:  Pope Benedict XVI, fun-squashing turd of the globe.

Will somebody tell this irrelevant blowhard to shut it? 

It's bad enough that he's gotta manipulate and monopolize moral conversations worldwide, but the real crime in my mind is that there aren't more garage and yard sales on Sunday.

When it comes to yard sales, it seems the standard is "Never On Sunday."  Why?

Are would-be yard salers threatened with excommunication if they dare to roll their cast-offs down the driveway on the Sabbath? 

This Sunday, I was quite busy with the minutiae of my highly important Humanae Vitae and so it pained me to notice a few signs for yard sales that said - no shit! - "both Saturday and Sunday"!  It was wrenching not to attend them, especially since these sales dates need more customer encouragement, but I had prior commitments

Secondhand Nation Citizens, we need to start a movement! 

Sundays are fabulously important secular days that one can devote to long, leisurely breakfasts, vigorous, order-affirming housework and home projects, enthusiastic perusal of entire newspapers for no earthly reason and hearty, soul-filled outings dedicated to scouring the countryside for lovely, low-priced cast-offs. 

I propose this:

We should patronize those salers who dare to shill their wares on Sundays. 

We should have our own sales on Sundays, pointedly marking our signs to include SUNDAY, or perhaps writing "SUNDAY ONLY!" or "SPECIAL SUNDAY SALE!" in our newspaper ads. 

We should make a stark and explicit point of thrift-shopping en masse on Sundays - beating the churcher-crowd that always shows up around noon - and helping ourselves to the best merch. 

Sunday used to be a day of rest, sure.  But that was before the Labor Movement introduced us to a little something called "the weekend."   

Feh to this whole "Sunday is Sacred" nonsense!  Put your dogs up on Saturday. 

Sunday is for thrift shoppers!

Cradle to Cradle? The Reincarnation of Junk

 

It's been said that you shouldn't shit where you eat. 

Though Derrick Jensen might think otherwise, I think that most of us realize this. 

Perhaps that's why we're increasingly sending our shit - that is, our unwanted junk, trash and scrap metal - to China.

I mean, why not just send your refuse far, far away and have it come back to you to poison your child or take out Mr. Whiskers after his morning trip to the food bowl, not to mention the lovely steel imports that collapse in a strong wind?

Christ on a crutch.  Recycling is great and reusing the material we've already dug up, processed or only partially consumed is what I whole-heartedly endorse.  If I didn't, why would I be cruising corners for yard sale signs like a depraved lunatic and salivating and giggling like a megalomaniac over half-price day at Value Village?

So why does this news -  to paraphrase Tyler Durden - of China taking our fat asses and selling it back to us upset me so much?

I just dunno, man.  I gotta go think this through.  If you need me, I'll be in the corner stabbing my daughter's Polly Pockets with a fork and muttering curses to myself. 

Reuseable Babies*

Photo credit:   Lee Russell:  Baby at a picnic, Fourth of July, Vale, Oregon.  Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection, LC-USF35-1326 

What crafty mommas with empty wallets all know is how to stretch a buck when it comes to clothing and other accoutrement for their beloved spawn. Even though babies and toddlers don't give a damn about what they wear, they tend to constantly need bigger sizes. (The turds.)  Sure, outfitting your wee ones can be a hoot, but you need to save that extra scratch. Motherhood often requires a lot of booze and they don’t sell that at garage sales. (Oh, if they did!)

Why is it that we can often score rad garments for the drooling set that are cheap and still in good condition?

Four reasons.

DUMB OLD PEER PRESSURE. People who go to baby showers are only concerned that their gift look cute enough to elicit "oohs" and "ahhs" from the other guests. What could be more precious than a little jammie set from Baby Gap? Or a tiny terry cloth robe with matching slippers emblazoned with a duck motif? You get tons of this stuff as a new mom and what can you do if it never gets worn and goes out of season or size?

INFANTS BABY THEIR CLOTHES. Infants aren't too terribly hard on clothing. Sure, they can crap it up and spit on it, but babies don't generally change the oil or mow the lawn in their onesies. They spend most of their time on receiving blankets or in someone's arms.

ONLY THE BEST FOR MY KID. New moms feel (quite naturally so!) that their baby should have "all new". So unless there are huge financial constraints, moms will seek out retail vs. resale.

WHAT IF IT’S DEFECTIVE? Remedy this worry by asking yourself the following:

Are you able to see and feel the product?

Does it feel like it’s made from flammable hazardous material?

Is it dripping with gasoline?

Does it look rickety and crappy?

Is it a crib that can fit an entire sixpack of cans between the bars?

Does it look like it’s missing straps, plugs, screws or caps?

Do you have a brain inside your skull?

If you can clearly see a dangerous defect, don't buy it and take time to point it out to the staff.

   

Photo Credit:  Jack Delano. Chicago, Illinois. Provident Hospital. Newborn babies. Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection, LC-USF35-1326

Thrift Smarter for Baby

DOUBLE UP, YO. Though you can't blame parents for wanting the very best for their babies, consider thrifting for almost all the superfluous gear. We've all been at depressing yard sales when all the pilly baby shirts and grubby baby strollers have left us with visions of orphans and waifs. But really, consider the possibilities in a little stain treatment and washing and you might be saving extra money for a night out or other necessities. Further, this is a great way to outfit the grandparents' house with all the proper gear that will make visits that much easier (no packing!)

USE A LITTLE ELBOW GREASE.  Sure, car seats can be tricky but most companies will send you the instructions at no cost if you email their website. Crib guidelines are quite simple to follow and you can rule out products that won't work for you. And strollers are easily dismissed as looking homely and dirty, but they are probably the most easily brought back to life. My mother-in-law has refurbished and washed some second-hand strollers with awesome results. She unsnapped the cotton padding and while it was in the wash, she hosed down the plastic skeleton and went nuts with some spray cleaner. Remember, though strollers can look cruddy used, think about where they are used -- on the ground, hello. Even the brand-new Eddie Bauer edition with the flannel padding is going to get cruddy looking as it barrels down the street and the mall so getting too hoity-toity about it is sorta stupid.

Photo Credit:  Lee Russell.  Mother and her twin babies in the trailer-clinic at the FSA (Farm Security Administration) migratory labor camp mobile unit. Wilder, Idaho.  Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection,  LC-USF35-1326

PRACTICALITY RULES.  Though it’s a precious miracle and all that crap, your baby will not care what the hell it’s wearing for probably the first 3 years. But you will care what you are wearing, especially post-partum. The money you save by being thrifty with your baby will only serve to outfit you – the Momma, the one who understands the concept of fashion – soon enough your kid will be a trend-crazed 8^th grader straining your budget.  These are the salad days. 

Photo Credit:  poster by Erik Hans Krause for the WPA Federal Art Project, 1938

More Thrifting for Baby Tips:

• check crotches (‘nuff said)
• hold necklines up to light to check for yellow milk barf stains
• resist buying cute things that might be difficult to put on (e.g. too many buttons v. snaps, difficult construction is a good reason to donate something, right?)
• diaper covers are often stuck in the boys and girls underpants section because staff thinks they are training pants, making the price LOW
• wash before you wear - once I put a little halter top on my daughter without washing and it made her reek of cigars.  Eww. 

Likes

Photo credit: Gordon Parks.  Washington, D.C. Firehouse Station No. 4. Sergeant Briscoe smiling at a good hand dealt him.  Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection, LC-USF35-1326

There is a zine out there that is fabulous called Likes/Dislikes by Lacey Prpic Hedtke. 

Simple concept:  lists of things she likes and dislikes.  Perfect!  Funny!  Get it here!

In that spirit, I give to you my special blend of...

Secondhand Nation Likes / Dislikes

Likes

Indie kid cashiers at thrift stores

Coffee mugs with vulgar sayings on them

cookbooks by the Moosewood Restaurant Collective

People who have lots and lots of stuff in their recycling bin

Handmade soap and body products

Fresh homemade bread

Ellen Forney

Lava sculptures and coconut souvenirs

Empty cosmetic bottles and containers from the Ye Olde Days

Banks that look like droopy dogs or smiling pigs

Vulgar sayings on t-shirts from the 70's

Yard Sale Bloodbath

Photo Credit:  British Office of War Information.  Food in England. Smiling with health, this former London dressmaker who joined the Women's Land Army in Britain claims she won't go back to dressmaking. More than 100,000 women this year will be enlisted in the Women's Land Army. Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection, LC-USF35-1326

Curtains with pom-pom trim or swiss dots

Rocket Dog shoes

Amateur nude paintings or drawings

Shop Goodwill

Hanging laundry on the line

Lapis Lazuli

Silver

Poison rings

Old children's books with clearly sexist pictures

20 Mule Team Borax

Argyle socks

Evil eye talismans

Tomatoes from the garden with kosher salt and ground pepper

Farmer's markets

Fels-Naptha

Nag Champpa incense

Aprons with pockets for clothespins

Photo Credit: Sharpshooter. Smiling from behind the turret of a China Air Task Force bomber is Technical Sergeant Douglas Radney, whose record of one confirmed plane destroyed and three probables qualified him for membership in the China Skeet and Gun Club. Radney was a member of the Tokyo bombers last year and had already earned himself the.  Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection, LC-USF35-1326

Thrift stores that have Columbus Day sales

Thrift stores / garage sales that are staffed by idiots who know nothing about true pricing

Eating on the picnic table

Kirk's Castile Soap

Garage sales full of housewares

Cobalt-glazed pottery

Full front aprons

Oaxacan tin work

Wall of grab bag items at Savers

The Smitten Kitten

free podcasts

Used craft items like paint, glitter, googly eyes, rick-rack & ribbon

Cake whips

Vintage Playboy magazines

Obscene playing cards

Hobnail milkglass lamps

John Thorne

Photo Credit: Nick Parrino.  Teheran, Iran. Smiling Polish peasant awaiting evacuation at a camp operated by the Red Cross.  Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, FSA-OWI Collection, [reproduction number, e.g., LC-USF35-1326]

Make Your Own! The Story of Crackers

Since I read Michael Pollan's book, every time I go to the grocery store, I view the aisles as great stacks of corn destined to give me fat rolls and diabetes.  It enrages me how little of the food proffered in grocery stores is worth one goddamn. 

Last week I got annoyed with the fact that I am not skilled enough yet to disconnect from the industrial food chain.  Like crackers, for example.  I don't know how to make them  My kid likes to eat crackers, on occasion.  And this is still America, why shouldn't she eat some goddamn crackers, right?  I figured it was time to get off my duff and learn how to make them.   

Crackers evolved from Hardtack which evolved from Ships Biscuits.  Ships biscuits were terrible, nearly inedible cakes of meal designed to survive a long sea voyage.  Well, that doesn't sound any grosser than some of the other tom-foolery I've managed to drum up in my kitchen. How hard could it be to make crackers?  If the Keebler elves can bluff their way through it, so can I.   

The anticipatory punsters must be positively tingling: "She's going crackers, so why not make some?!  Har har har!"   

Oh, shut up. 

Here's what happened.  I used a recipe from an early edition of Mollie Katzen's Moosewood Cookbook for Sesame Crackers, which I picked because it required exactly zero weird-o ingredients that I'd never use again. (The recipe is here if you're interested.) This was also my big chance to use sesame seeds - who ever actually uses these things?  What is a sesame, anyway?  A pressing dilemma that could keep you up at night, yes.

Anyway, I sifted the flours and dry stuff twice, which was fine, except my sifter makes a spine-curdling metal-on-metal scratching noise which made my hair stand on end after a bit. 

 

After the sifting, I did a little baby-knead (I added some flour - it was way too sticky to handle) and then rolled out the dough to cut into boring club cracker shapes and then poked holes in them with a fork - the holes are called "docking holes" and prevent air pockets from forming. 

Finally I schlepped them on greased cookie sheets and baked them.  I let them cool on baking racks and was beaming mightily at my work when my daughter walked in and asked me if they were dog treats.

Nevermind her tendency for dead-on observations and the fact that they resemble Alpo Liv-A-Snaps.  What's important is that I was able to use my flour sifter and rolling pin I bought at a yard sale a million years ago.  Best of all, I have a new skill:  making crackers that are so ugly nobody would eat them but pets. 

For the record, I did sample Liv-A-Snaps in my day (I was five) and believe me, they have nothing on my Sesame Crackers.  For one thing, my Sesame Crackers weren't produced by Big Ag Ghouls who shred chicken feathers and pig buttholes all under the guise of "Animal Nutrition."   

Perhaps now I'll be more comfortable whipping up the staple food items in the future.  Perhaps my next batch will look more cracker-like than this one.  Perhaps we'll put them in the glove box in case we're stranded in the car in a blizzard. 

Perhaps I'll be able to use all my dreamy thrifted enamel ware the way my great-grandmother would have wanted.  (Even though probably really thought melamine was much much groovier than enamel. And probably bought her crackers in a bitchin' tin to boot.) 

Perhaps it's a small finger in the Cyclopian eye of Cargill, but hey - it's my middle finger.