The Church Rummage Sale Blues

Figure 1:  Sign for another church rummage sale, not the one I discuss in this post.  No need to be snotty, I suppose.

Last year, I was singing the praises of the church rummage sale.  Sadly, this year's cherry-popper sale has me a bit bereft. 

It started when my neighbor John tipped me off to a rummage sale his church was holding. 

Sweet, I thought.  My daughter would be at preschool and the church was just a few blocks north of her school.  I envisioned spending my morning blissfully pawing through tons of under-priced merchandise, sans begging child, lavishly pausing to finger old baking tins or rifle through piles of folded linens.  The church was also selling plants, and though I hit the Friends School of Minnesota's Annual Plant Sale already, who can resist a cheap bedding plant?

So I'm all charged up about this sale.  Holding off on other purchases just in case there's a cheaper deal to be had.

I had such a great experience a few weeks back at a local rummage sale held by the boosters of a high school marching band so I was inflating this other church sale in my head.

(That sale had yielded coconut and seashell windchimes, Oaxacan tinwork Christmas decorations and a lovely set of rubbermaid teaspoons, among other things. Tingles!)

As I walked from the parking lot (great looking annuals!  but not at prices that mattered! and I hate annuals anyway!) into the church, I was greeted by a slough of elderly white guys, welcoming me and pointing out the way to the sale room.

I was also assaulted by the cloying, barf-tastic smell of Manwich.  A tagboard sign highlighted in shaking, Sharpie pen strokes, "Sloppie Joe and chips, 1.00."

Agh.  It was the kind of odor that makes pregnant women gasp and hork into their purses. 

The sale was held in the cafeteria, making it convenient for shoppers to buy their things and then sit down at one of the chipped formica banquet tables and tuck into a plate of fresh-from-the-slow-cooker Manwich, a clutch of greasy Old Dutch potato chips and a cup of industrial decaf.   Around the tables and the kitchen serving area, more clusters of old people, some in wheelchairs or pushing walkers with tennis ball pads, milling about fussing with serving trays and the tackle box full of money.

My neighbor was nowhere to be seen and though he's retired, compared to the crew manning this sale, he was fucking Jack LaLanne.

The sale was okay.  Lots of clothes, which are generally a waste of time for me to flip through (how many gold-button women's blazers does a body need?) and lots of dirty, scuffed up plastic kids' toys and a whole array of baby items (bottles, wipe warmers, pacifers - yuk). 

There were lots of plastic blinds and Christmas ornaments (blecch) and scurvy-looking bed sheets and one of those Ye Olde pressure cookers that used to kill people way back when.  Stuff that belongs in the trash, really.   

I bought a cheesecake tin, a cake whip, a food mill and a linen dishtowel  for $1.70.  All things I needed and liked, but still.  The cashier was a friendly woman with an oxgen tank plugged into her nose, whom I was glad had a big button calculator at her disposal.

This spring in Minnesota has been highly disappointing already, in terms of weather.  Can't we get some good cheap stuff to offset the dreariness?

I'm trying to keep chipper, though the aroma of Manwich still clings to my noseholes.

Comments

[sabrina walasek]

I HAVE THE CURE FOR ANY GARAGE SALE BLUES - IT'S CALLED CLEAR CLUTTER FOR CLEAN WATER! HOLD A YARD SALE WITH A BUNCH OF FRIENDS. MAKE A SPECIAL BLUE BOX. ANYTHING THAT SELLS THAT IS BLUE - WELL THE MONEY GOES INTO THE BLUE BOX.

WHY? BECAUSE 1.1 BILLION PEOPLE DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO SAFE AND CLEAN DRINKING WATER. 6,000 KIDS A DAY DIE! OTHERS GIVE UP THEIR EDUCATION TO WALK ON AVERAGE 6K TO FETCH WATER!

SEND IN THE BLUE $$ AS A DONATION TO BLUE PLANET RUN FOUNDATION. $30 GIVES ONE PERSON SAFE DRINKING WATER FOR LIFE! www.blueplanetrun.org

FOR MORE INFO CONTACT SABRINA@BLUEPLANETRUN.ORG!

WATER IS LIFE. PASS IT ON!

[Sarah]

Well, this post was written awhile ago, but garage saling this year is enough to make me cry. Man it is bad this year.

[Carrie]

What kind of stuff are you seeing? I'd love to hear the dirt.

I've had better luck in other years, but since this post, things have been okay. I wonder if it has to do with need. Last year, I had just bought a new house going into sale season and needed EVERYTHING. This year, I am much fussier and while I'll see a sale I can appreciate, I won't need much of it.

[Clonella]

Awww!Poor petulant princess you must have SUFFERED untold grief not being met with racks upon racks of Oaxacan tin,bright shiny new pressure cookers and magical linens woven by fairies from unicorn hair just for precious,special you.Does mocking old folk make you feel good?At least they get off their ass and volunteer.Jack F'ing Lalanne indeed.Your mouth is too dirty for Manwich.And dropping random french terms like "sans" anything is just pretentious when you arent from France.Twat.

[Carrie]

Did you just call me a Twat?

Doesn't that make YOUR mouth too dirty for Manwich?

[may]

i hear you!
today i went to the most dissapointing church sales in the history of church sales.
first of all, it was pouring rain but I had hoped that a good sale would make up for it.
unfortunatly, the first one was made up of this: a bunch of moms milling about the raffle table,a closet sized nursery room set up for kids to do something and another room with a few mothers blabbing and doing nothing..there was nothing on any tables.

I left with hopes that the next one would be better. It was. By a very thin margin.
oh ther was a white elpephant sale allright, unfortunatly it was in a room the size of a large bathroom and full of people. no one could move. to further add insult to injury they were allowing a ten year old to do the money transaction, of which she knew NOTHING about, and it was all over priced. I gave up and went over to the craft room where i fared better it was roomy and had neat stuff but Im not in the market to buy crafts, i just make them. i scored a jar full of buttons a few cookie tins and a tiny pincushion. I came home feeling worse than jeraldo at al capones vault.